S6E21 | Jaymee Jay - The Shame They Put on You Was Never Yours: A Life-Changing Conversation

Today I’m honored to have back on the show for another amazing show: survivor and child abuse advocate, podcaster, woman of God, independent researcher, investigative journalist and educator, and one of my dear friends: Jaymee Jay!

Jaymee's journey, forged in the fires of a challenging upbringing of traditional family dysfunction, has uniquely shaped her into a beacon of brilliance and compassion, lighting up and inspiring the paths of countless lives with her remarkable achievements. With a world of possibilities at her fingertips, she could have chosen any pursuit to invest her boundless energy, intellect, and voice. Yet, in an act of unparalleled selflessness, Jaymee has devoted herself to unraveling the complexities of SRA, mind control, and organized abuse, serving as a tireless advocate for survivors and whistleblowers of these heinous crimes against humanity. I stand in absolute awe of her unwavering resolve to step onto this war - a battle she could have easily observed from a safe distance, never uttering a word. To me, Jaymee is nothing short of a hero, fearlessly raising her voice as an ally, fully aware of the risks, the targets it paints on her back, and the absence of any material reward. Her courage is a clarion call, a testament to bravery that resonates deeply with me - and I know it will stir the same reverence in all of you, whether you’re a survivor or not. She is a warrior of compassion, justice, education and love.

In today's podcast episode, Jaymee turns her compassionate gaze to one of the most insidious threads woven into every abuse survivor's journey: the suffocating weight of shame. This silent saboteur shadows journeys from the first whisper of violation to the fragile steps toward freedom, binding survivors in chains of self-doubt and isolation. During the abuse itself, perpetrators wield shame as their cruelest weapon, gaslighting victims into believing they invited the harm or somehow deserved it - instilling a toxic narrative that the survivor's very essence is flawed and unworthy. It lingers like a venomous fog, compelling many to bury their truths deep within, where silence becomes both prison and protector. Studies show that over 75% of female sexual abuse survivors grapple with this trauma-related shame, often delaying disclosure for years or even decades. And when survivors finally summon the insurmountable courage to speak out - as they must, to reclaim their lives and to be set free - the world too often recoils with its own arsenal of shame, demanding irrefutable "proof," branding them as fabricators, or layering on victim-blaming that twists the knife deeper, fostering feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and a haunting fear of judgment. Without intervention, shame spirals into isolation, depression, self-harm, and even barriers to essential healthcare, as the dread of exposure keeps survivors hidden from the very support that could set them free.

This is why Jaymee's exploration of shame she will be sharing with us today is nothing short of revolutionary - a lighthouse in the fog of recovery. Addressing it head-on dismantles the abuser's lingering grip, transforming distorted beliefs of guilt and inadequacy into pathways of empowerment and forgiveness. Psychoeducation and compassionate dialogue, as Jaymee champions, can erode its foundations, healing the wounded inner child and preventing shame from dictating a lifetime of suffering. By shining a light on this universal yet unspoken adversary, we shatter the stigma that benefits perpetrators, foster environments where survivors are believed and embraced from the start, and ignite collective healing. It's a vital conversation that doesn't just validate individual pain - it reweaves the fabric of society, ensuring no voice is silenced, no story dismissed, and no spirit left in shadows. Jaymee’s care in addressing this topic reminds us that in naming shame, we starve it of power, and in that liberation, we all find our wings.

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS ON SHAME FROM JAYMEE:
1. "Sanctification in Reverse" - https://a.co/d/f9kwdde
2. "Secret Survivors" - https://www.amazon.ca/Secret-Survivors-Sue-Blume/dp/0345369793
3. "The Shame that Binds You" - https://www.amazon.ca/Healing-Shame-that-Binds-You/dp/0757303234
4. "Complex PTSD (emotional flashbacks) - https://www.amazon.ca/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842
5 "Emotional Frequency Scale" - https://neurolaunch.com/hawkins-emotional-scale/
6. Brene Brown shame research - https://www.learnoutloud.com/content/blog/archives/2025/05/4-talks-by-brene-brown-on-shame-vulnerability.php

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