4 years ago

What's the selfish payoff to forgiveness?
Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness By Frederic Luskin https://lukeford.net/blog/?p=133590

Here are some highlights from the book HerbK called the second most important book he’s ever read after the Big Book:

* Picture the crowded screen in front of a harried air traffic controller. Picture the chaos in the room and the jumble of planes on the screen. Now imagine that your unresolved grievances are the planes on that screen that have been circling for days and weeks on end. Most of the other planes have landed, but your unresolved grievances continue to take up precious air space, draining resources that may be needed in an emergency. Having them on the screen forces you to work harder and increases the chance for accidents. The grievance planes become a source of stress and burnout is often the result.

HOW DID THE PLANES GET UP THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

You took something too personally.
You continued to blame the person who hurt you for how bad you felt.
You created a grievance story.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

Forgiveness is the peace you learn to feel when you allow these circling planes to land.
Forgiveness is for you and not the offender.
Forgiveness is taking back your power.
Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel.
Forgiveness is about your healing and not about the people who hurt you.

* I do not suggest that forgiveness means we give up our right to be angry when we have been hurt or mistreated. My forgiveness research shows that people retain their ability to be angry but simply use that ability more wisely.

* I define forgiveness as the experience of peace and understanding that can be felt in the present moment. You forgive by challenging the rigid rules you have for other people’s behavior and by focusing your attention on the good things in your life as opposed to the bad.

* One of the central messages of my forgiveness training is that only three core components underlie the creation of any long-standing hurt and grievance:

The exaggerated taking of personal offense
The blaming of the offender for how you feel
The creation of a grievance story

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