I’m with a Narc and I Know I Need to Leave, but How?

Question:

I am 36 and currently in a relationship with a recovering narc; he has left me with a lot of emotional scars.

The first 2 1/2 years of the relationship were classic—love bomb, cheat, lie, gaslight, sometimes physical abuse... and then move bomb again.

I stayed because I believed he would never do the things he did again. I was very uneducated on narcs at the beginning.

The gaslighting has been the most difficult to overcome due to thinking that I am the crazy one.

I have nightly nightmares and wake up with anxiety most nights reliving these events.

We went to individual and couples therapy (which went terribly, because he doesn’t like to be called out on his stuff).

He also attended abuse classes. He has since become much more loving and supportive and we haven’t had a traumatic event occur in over a year.

However, I cannot seem to move through it. My gut is telling me this is not right.

He has two children that I’ve helped raise for four years. We all live together and are very close. I can’t help but feel trapped.

I still love him so much but my brain tells me he can never be trusted and I deserve better.

I have no clue how to end this, and leaving it all makes me feel sad and like I wasted so much time.

Wish I would have known you 3 to 4 years ago!

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